Today's Golden Moment and Hope for a Silver Lining: January 3, 2022

 January 3, 2022

Today we drove to Mount Vernon and ate lunch with Marcy and Bill. We spent a ridiculous amount of money just doing that. I had a bowl of soup and Mark and a tenderloin with fries. I wanted to order a half order of chicken wings, but Mark wanted me to get a full order. He had two drinks and I had a bloody Mary. Anyway, it came to around 52 dollars. Although we don't have to worry about spending that much on a lunch, it definitely feels wasteful. I think one of the things that sort of gets me down is that sense of wasting money and time. I want to be more purposeful with my days, but it's easy to spend a whole day seemingly accomplishing nothing. Just like today, we had a nice visit with Marcy and Bill and then we went to sign some papers and Mark got a check for the sale of the family farm. Definitely a golden moment, but at what price? The loss of his mother and father in one year? Some family rifts that have occurred in the process? A place we have especially strong memories but can no longer visit. As we drove past the road that would lead to the farm, I had a strong sense of loss of sharing a moment with Myrl and Neoma, drinking coffee and having some kind of treat like a brownie or donuts, etc. Memories have the power to transport us to feel physically connected to the ones who have passed on. It's really incredible that this part of life is truly a gift. I can take myself back to moments and feel and see exactly or at least close to what that moment was like. Today closes a chapter of our lives, and opens a window that may provide a silver lining for something more. That "something more" though is nebulous. Trying to decide how to invest money for the future is particularly difficult. I wish I had the crystal ball to answer this kind of decision so there are no regrets. Regrets, heartache, betrayal, self-loathing...are all of the emotions I'd like to avoid. I want the year ahead to be full of joy. To embrace opportunities that allow us to have a memory that can be cherished and returned to on a dark day in the future.